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NEW: Life Coaching

I am starting a new adventure of Life Coaching. I will only be doing it on a part-time basis but If you or anyone is interested in making things happen in your life please contact me. Click the "Life Coaching" tab above for more information.

Book Review: FORTIFY: A Step Towards Recovery

"...My favorite line in this book actually happens on page 5. "Our aim is to help you reclaim and become again who you are and always have been, even if you forgot that for awhile." At ANASAZI we believe every child has a seed of greatness within them. They just need to remember. Both philosophies mean that the strength to overcome negative behaviors lies within."

INSPIRE: music.service.hope

At INSPIRE we are determined to make our dreams come true! We want you to be a part of our success. Please take a moment to check out our website:, FB page, join us at our next service project, or come to one of our upcoming Musical Firesides in the Valley to learn more about us.

"Make It Happen"

"Make It Happen" is a collection of principles, blog entries, stories, and conversations had on couches, floors, kitchen tables, and at many single-adult gatherings. It is filled with practical ways to make changes in your life, find hope, increase faith, strengthen relationships, and build the kingdom."

I Am My Sister's Keeper

"I am my sister's keeper. It is my responsibility to hold her heart and be aware of her concerns. I may not understand why she decided to wear pants to church or why she wants to go to the Priesthood session, but I can certainly learn about her cause and concerns before I demonize her."

Monday, July 4, 2016


Happy Independence Day! This is called "Home" and I hope you enjoy it!

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Ways You Can Support Someone Who is Single

My wicked awesome friend Stacie Proctor recently wrote a FB message titled, "Ways You Can Support Someone With A Mental Illness." I really loved her ideas and in that same vein I wanted to write up a little ditty of my own about singles.

Ways You Can Support Someone Who Is Single

When a single person says, "It's been really hard being single this long."

Don't Say:

  •  "Oh, you just haven't met the right person...they're out there." 
  •  "God is using you in different ways than being a mother/ are doing things you    couldn't do if you were married or had kids."
  • "Timing is's happen

Do Say:

  • "That must be hard."
  •  "What is hard for you?"
  •  "I really have no idea what that feels like but I'm glad you are talking with me about it."
As singles we know you love and care about us--this is why we are being vulnerable in the first place and letting you in on our pain.  As Brene Brown so aptly put it in this little lovely clip called "Empathy", "Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with, "At least..."

When a single person says, "Sometimes it's really hard to be around family or at church where everyone seems to be married and have kids."

Don't Say:

  • "Yea, but parenting is lot harder than you think."
  • "But on the bright side you get to travel all around the world."
  • "If you don't get those blessings in this life then God will make them up to you in the next."
  • "You are so brave to keep showing up."
Do Say:
  • "Oh man, that's got to be hard."
  • "How do you deal with that?"
  • "Tell me more about that..."

Acknowledging me when I'm in pain–not rescuing or placating me–but just being there or sitting in that moment feels SO much better than anything you might say. I am most likely not tell you  aobut my pain for you to fix it but just for you to see me or hear me in that moment. Again Dr. Brene Brown said, "...The truth is rarely can a response make something better."

When a single person says, "Dating is really hard." or "I haven't been on a date for a long time."

Don't Say:

  • "You're so pretty/handsome you don't need to worry about it.
  • "You are just too awesome, you are intimidating, there's no guys/girls out there good enough for you.
  • "Well, if you weren't so picky"
Do Say:
  • "I hear you, dating really is hard."
  • "It's been a long time since I've been in the dating scene–what's it like?"
Good intentions are not the same as truly listening. Making me feel good about myself doesn't take away my loneliness. However, when you find a truth/pain inside of you that feels/felt similar to my pain and share that with me it makes all the difference.

***Bonus: Many times I got to family reunions of activities in my home ward and it seems that the only thing people can ask me about is if I'm dating someone. In essence, it's asking me about something I lack, over and over again. This does not build friendships or create unity. There is a lot you don't know about person that you can't see so just ask. For example, "Tell me about your job", "I heard that did some international traveling", I think I saw something on FB about you writing a book", etc. ***

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Together We Are Better

Don't mistake my silence for indifference
Grief is messy and there is no right way to mourn
When people we love and may not even know are killed
We, as humans, can't help feel hurt, betrayed, and torn

You may lash out in anger and I may be silent
That doesn't mean we both don't feel fear
You may try to find a reason or a cause
While I may just hold my loved ones near

People are people are people are people
And Love is love is love is love
Don't throw me into your "us against them"
Anger betrays  you when push comes to shove

My religious beliefs are not your concern
How I choose to live them however, affects all
And making any tragedy all about you
Is one of man's greatest downfalls

I may not sign a petition or march in a parade
But don't think for a moment I don't care
Together in love we are better and stronger
I have faith in good people out there

To REMEMBER Orlando, Newton, Boston
Fort Hood, Aurora, Killeen, Sandy Hook
Colorado, South Carolina, and so many more
Is something history can't overlook

So with heavy hearts and pleading souls
We each struggle to find our way
Remember the way you choose to grieve
May be different then me some days

I imagine there are things in which we agree
And therein lies our greatest power
To focus what we have in common for good
Line upon line and hour by hour

So fight the good fight however you choose
That allows me to do things my way
And hopefully we'll come together as one
At the end of these difficult days

Monday, April 18, 2016

Bring BackYour Boldness & Bravery

Dear Single Men,

First of all, let's agree that dating sucks but so does being single.

Second, let's make a truce for just a few minutes and be on the same team when it comes to wanting to be in a healthy relationship.

It seems to me that by the time you hit your 30's you can assume that there has been a good share of hurting, vulnerability, divorce, shame, self deprecation, people judging your mistakes, people judging your accomplishments, weight gain/loss, hair loss, people-pleasing, laziness, over-achieving, under-achieving, grief, and so much more.

I imagine you are exhausted.

It seems to me that you might be tired from trying to make women feel good by pretending over and over that you are clueless and oblivious to their interest--so as to not hurt their feelings. Also, you may be tired of hearing how many incredible women there are out there for you to choose from.

I figure by know you are pretty settled into your day-to-day life. You have family who support you and friends that you spend time with and most likely you not only have a job but a career--that you love and where you work hard. The thought of dating just seems futile.

I get it. I really do.

Remember how we made a truce and we are on the same team fighting against loneliness and the awful parts of being single (because we all know there are wicked awesome parts). So here's the deal let's mix it up and bring it back old school.

Please bring back your boldness and bravery.

I know in a world filled with technology that it is much easier to slyly get my number from a friend or add me on Facebook but I can't tell you how awesome it is when you just ask me for my number or ask me out on a real date. No "let's get a bunch of friends together and eat sushi" or "let's talk about your new entrepreneurial business idea while we eat food."

Bring it back simple, bold, and brave. There just isn't enough of that today.

Let's go on adventure. Let's make mistakes. Let's be awkward at first and then land in that space where we can't get enough of each other and everyone hates us. Let's choose to have hard conversations that make us think and change us. Let's share parts of us we have been dying to share but had no one who listened long enough.

Bring back your boldness and bravery and I will match it with my confidence and caring.

Love, All the Single Ladies

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Do You Really Know?

Do you really know the people around you?

Do you know what makes them happy, what they do most of the day, what drives them as a person, what pains they carry, and how they became who they are today?

The Sassover Rebbe said that he learned the meaning of love from overhearing a conversations between two villagers. One asked the other, "Do you love me?" The second replied, "I love you deeply" The first asked, "Do you know my friend what gives me pain?" The second protested that he could not possibly know. "If you do not know what gives me pain, " lamented the first, "how can you say you love me?"  (Rabbi David Wolpe, Making Loss Matter, 1999)
 Most of the people around you who appear strong, confident, courageous, and fearless have lived a life filled with loss, grief, pain, and disappointment. They have had to make some very important decisions in their lives that led them to the person they are today.

Have you asked them about their story?

I love hearing people's stories. I am continually amazed, and shocked, at times, the things people have overcome. I learn time and time again that most people, when tested, learn to fly.

This past year I learned that one of my friends had a girlfriend that was killed while they were riding their bikes and just one year earlier his previous girlfriend committed suicide. I couldn't believe that he carried around all that with him as part of his story. I would still not know this about him if I hadn't asked him to tell me about his story.

A while back another friend of mine told me, while we were on a ferris wheel, that he was struggling with a crippling addiction (I had no idea) and that he was finally getting help. He actually thanked me for sincerely wanting to know how he was doing. He was grateful to tell someone about his story.

The other night I shared dinner with another friend that showed me her 2 year sobriety coin and told of some of her ugly past that she regretted and how grateful she was for Grace and the opportunity to change.

Another friend shared with me, after years of knowing her, that her father was in prison for killing her mother in a domestic violence situation. She told me this after asking me about my brother's death. When I was willing to share with her parts of my story she felt free to share hers. She was relieved to finally share her story after years of not talking about it to anyone.

I'll never forget sitting one day in grad school, after a huge group assignment was over, there were a bunch of us sitting around at my friend's house and we started sharing why we decided to get our Master's in Social Work.  Later, when we were cleaning things up and everyone had left, I asked the host why she decided to study Social Work. She told me she that when she was younger she had been raped and it was a social worker that helped her in her process of healing.

It is amazing what we learn when we ask and listen to people as they share their stories.

After the dark comes light

If you ever want to be inspired, feel compassion, be grateful then all you need to do is ask someone you know to tell you their story. You might be amazed and how much you really don't know.