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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Somewhere Between

Birthdays make me nostalgic. Having a birthday on New Years Day not only has me reflecting on the past year but also has me looking forward with unbelievable possibilities. And so days like today I feel somewhere between lost and found. Between hope and heartache. Between possibilities and grieving.

I know I am blessed. I know I am loved. I know I have a God who counts the hairs on my head and is deeply in the details of my life. I know I won the lottery when it came to picking families in heaven—and speaking of heaven—I even have a cheering section there as well. I know I have a million things to be grateful for and the most secure & amazing safety nets in my life. I will be nearly impossible to be bomb out of life—even if I tried. I know I am blessed to have traveled the world, to have a started a business with one of my best friends, and to work at a job I absolutely adore. I know all these things and more. I am extremely grateful. It truly am.

It is these things and the things I will write below that keep me in the space somewhere between

Sometimes I take a moment at night to cry and grieve the story I thought my life would be. Sometimes I look at married couples and I'm not jealous of their marriage, or that they somehow miraculously found each other, but I long for the simple things. The reassuring hand on the knee, the gently guiding hand on the small of the back, the tired eyes exchange that speaks of late nights and personal secrets. I long for a place to hang my pictures and muddy shoes laying strewn at the door. I long for petty arguments that end with grand passionate kisses and tears of sincere forgiveness. I actually long for the hard days together because that would mean there would be someone to share them with. I know I have no control of the future but I also don't have any unrealistic expectations. I love love and I can't wait for more of it personally in my life.

So here's to a new year filled with hope, gratitude, love, laughter, kindness, real heart-to-hearts, understanding, healing, support, change, friendship, travel, and so much more!

"Say everything you've always wanted
 Be not afraid of who you really are
 Cause in the end we have each other
 And that's at least one thing worth living for"

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