Excerpt from Make It Happen
Chapter 10: Wolf's Law
"Righteous in the Dark", p. 117 - 119
Whenever I get frustrated or don’t understand something in Church doctrine, I turn to my dad for advice. Most of the time, he will counsel with me and refer me to a few scriptures or a lonely both as a single adult and as a child of God. I remember telling my dad that I felt abandoned by Heavenly Father. I hadn’t felt the Spirit in a long time, I didn’t feel my prayers were being heard, and I was frustrated at God’s silence.
My dad sympathized with me and then introduced me to a principle called “righteous in the dark.” This phrase comes from Brigham Young. In talking about trials, his secretary wrote,
President Brigham Young, who knew something about trial and tribulation but also of man’s high destiny, said that the Lord lets us pass through these experiences that we might become true friends of God. By developing our individual capacities, wisely exercising our agency, and trusting God—including when we feel forsaken or alone—then we can, said President Young, learn to be“righteous in the dark.” (Secretary’s Journal, 1857)
It is one thing to be a disciple of Christ when things are going well in your life. It is easy to keep the commandments when you see the correlating blessings. It is something entirely different to remain faithful and loyal to Christ when you are alone in darkness and silence. Henry B. Eyring said:
So, the great test of life is to see whether we will hearken to and obey God’s commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms, but to choose the rightand so fail to qualify to return in glory to our heavenly home. (Eyring, “Start Early and Be Steady,” 2005)
I allow myself to have hard days, to cry sometimes. Recently on Mother’s Day in my family ward, I thought about my wonderful mother. I was smiling and happy. Then, I looked around at all the mothers in my ward and their little children in their arms, and a great sadness washed over me. I want to be a mother. I want to be dragged out to the drinking fountain or bathroom. I want to argue with my husband over whose turn it is next to my roommates, who understood and just let me. When I was done I wiped away my tears, made sure I didn’t have mascara running down my face, and went to Sunday School. There are days when I am surrounded by people but consumed with loneliness. I know I am not alone in these feelings. Some say that being single is a trial, and others say it is a blessing. I agree with both. I am grateful I have many more good days than bad days. I am also grateful for tender-mercy moments when the Spirit speaks to my mind and heart and gives me a wider view of God’s plan."
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