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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Grief

A big part of the new fiction novel I'm writing is about grief, loss, love, healing, and how when tragedy strike things get all jumbled up. Faith falters, people rise to the occasion or they crumble under the stress. Everyone grieves differently.

It's strange the things you remember in times of deep despair. I remember the week my brother died we literally had so much food that it was rotting on our counter b/c we couldn't fit it all into the fridge. I remember literally praying people would stop brining over flowers b/c they just ended up dying all over our house. I remember thinking I hated people b.c they said the stupidest things in the most inappropriate times. I remember wishing someone would help my sister find a way to sleep b/c she had been awake for days on end. These are the things I was thinking b/c the alternative, at the time, was too painful.

As I write about grief it is hard to go back there—to the funeral, the days before, the days after. I have always wanted to write something that had to do with healing and hope that his new book will do it justice.

For those of you who have grieved and stood on the precipice of despair I am wondering what random thoughts consumed your mind and heart. I want to capture grief in its most naked and vulnerable state. If you are willing to share I would appreciate your feedback.


1 comment:

  1. I lost 3 of my Grandparents as a teenager and the last one when I was a mother. I didn't process it at the same level that my parents, their children, did. At the end of a full life like that, the grief is different.

    I think about the passing of my daughter perhaps more than I should sometimes. I even find myself praying that she won't suffer and that it won't break me. Sometimes I think I have too much pre-grief. I think I'm trying to prepare myself in whatever way I can, but sometimes I wonder how true that is. I definitely went through the grieving process when she was born as far as letting go of "normal," but it resurfaces every time she has a major birthday or I see a kid her same age and what they can do and she can't. Having a support network is great, but going through their grief with them and knowing I'm destined to lose my child is really, really hard. Not knowing if it's tomorrow or 10 years from now is also hard. Knowing that she suffers sometimes and wanting to take that away hurts. Wanting her not to suffer at the end of her life hurts even now... I would do anything to stop that from happening, but I am completely helpless to do that. Gotta stop.


    My faith in a loving God that will take care of her and take care of me is what keeps me going. My religion and resulting belief system are not just existential mumbo jumbo, I need them with every fiber of my being to survive and have hope.

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